The Sky is the Limit

I was standing with my feet over the edge looking down at my in-laws.  To the left of me was the West Side Highway with cars speeding past, in front was a view of the Financial District and to the left was the Hudson River.  As I looked at the bar in front of my face all of my fear of heights came rushing in.

“You can do this, just grab onto the bar with your right hand and hold on to the post with your left.  I have you.”

The bar was extremely heavy, I didn’t expect that at all.  My body started to pull forward from the weight but Katie had my waist by the harness.

“OK, now let go with your left hand and place it on the bar.”

As I put my second hand on the bar fear, hesitation and nausea all hit me.

“I can’t do this. I really don’t want to do this anymore!”  I drop the bar and watch it as it performs its routine free fall back to the other side of the net.

“Claire, you can jump. You won’t get hurt.  He is down there holding a harness that will guide you down if and when you let go of the bar.”

I look to my left and a nine year old is standing on the platform patiently waiting her turn.  “I did this in California a few years ago and it is really fun!  Trust me.”

Man, if this nine year old can jump and my father-in-law can do it, I can’t woos out!

“Ok, bring the bar back.  I will try this one more time.”

As Katie pulls the bar back to eye level, I keep thinking to myself that Adam, my husband, will be so proud of me if I do this!  I have to do this to prove that I am strong and can do anything.  So what if he jumps out of planes, I can jump of a ledge.

“Claire, bring your right hand to the bar and your left to the post.  Got it?  Now put your right hand on the bar.”

Again, my body shifts forward from the weight of the bar, my knees start to shake and all that fear, hesitation and nausea rush back, but this time I am going to do it.

“One, Two, Hep Hep.”

I JUMP! I actually jump! The wind is blowing past my face and I feel free.

“Now Claire, put your legs on top of the bar and let go.”

What? I can’t do that! I was never one of those kids that could do flips off of the diving board or hang upside down from bars on the swing set.

“Claire, listen to my instructions, but your knees on the bar.  Ok, now let go and arch your back.”

I did that too! I was hanging upside down on top of a pier overlooking the Manhattan Financial district! What a view.

“Put your hands back on the bar and bring your legs down.  Now let go.”

As I float down from the bar into the net new emotion is overwhelming me.  I had actually jumped from the landing AND I had hung from the bar upside down.  I had faced two of my fears and it was an amazing feeling.

I did this routine jump three more times before they told us that we were going to perform a catch, when another person takes your arms and you let go of the bar between your knees.  I started to get nervous and thought I was going to be the only one in the class that wouldn’t be able to perform the trick.  So once again I was standing on the platform with all my hesitations when I realized, I had come this far, just take it to the next level!

I did perform the trick and it was an unbelievable feeling to know that I could do it.  I have always been scared of heights, and to be honest I still am, but that day I let my inhibitions go and I was the best trapeze flyer that I could have been for those two hours!